The Pros & Cons of Being Single

Today was a snow day. An unnecessary snow day, but a snow day nonetheless and I am certainly not complaining. I slept until 10:30 and worked a bit and watched TV and worked a little more and ate snacks throughout the day in place of complete meals.

I love being alone like this. I mean, my roommate is here, but she has a lot of work to do and anyway, we’re good about leaving each other be most of the time and then coming together periodically to watch shows and movies. Mostly animated movies. It’s a nice arrangement.

I have to be honest: I am really happy to be experiencing this day as a single person. I think it probably speaks mostly to my laziness and selfishness, but as soon as I knew I wouldn’t have to go in to work today, I literally started fantasizing about being alone and gross and sloth-like all day at it has not disappointed. It never does.

This of course made me think of other reasons I enjoy being single:

• Full fledged independence. I’m my own main boo.
• I can order in / make whatever I want to eat without taking anyone else’s desires into account.
• I’m pretty sure I’ve never actually spent so much time actively considering what it is that I want. Out of this meal, this day, this life, etc.
• I can go to bed and wake up when I want. I can eat when I want. I use to try to align my schedule with my partner in order to share these things with them, but no more!
• I don’t have to feel bad when I’m sick and up coughing all night.
• After many years of sharing a bed with another person, I thought I didn’t move or need that much space when I slept. I now know I take up at least 92% of the bed in my natural state and it feels good.
• When I’m trying to be healthy, there’s not a man with a really fucking annoyingly high metabolism next to me shoveling a loaded breakfast sandwich in his face.
• No waiting to watch shows with a partner for me! I can binge on my own schedule.
• And on that note, I never feel like I’m not giving someone enough attention when I just want to watch TV (or read, or stare into space, or nap) in peace.
• I spend more time with my beautiful friends.
• Being single often means going on dates and in doing so, I’ve been taken to some great bars and delicious restaurants I might not have found otherwise.
• I love the butterflies of meeting someone new and the rush of anticipation and possibility.
• I only have to spend money on myself now, not me and another person.
• I have funny stories to share about weird messages and weird dates and weird accidental sex parties.
• No one bothers me when I stare at my phone for too long.

Obviously, being #foreveralone has its downsides:

• Sometimes I stare at my phone for way too long. Like, guys…I’ve lost hours at a time. I don’t understand.
• I have to carry my own heavy ass laundry bag to the laundromat.
• There’s no one to make tickle my back as I’m falling asleep or rub out the knot that I always get under my right shoulder blade.
• Sometimes you just want your own person to be next to.
• I don’t get to have regular sex with someone who knows what I like, where I like it, and for how long I like it.
• No one is waiting to give me a hug when I come home from work.
• I spend money like an asshole now and there’s no one to blame it on but myself.
• When I want to go see a show or a concert or a movie, I have to consider if I’d like to go alone or which friend(s) to ask to go with me. I don’t have a built-in plus one anymore.
• Who’s my emergency contact?
• There are some annoying people who assume that because I’m single, I’m always sad and pining away, just waiting with baited breath for my one true love to save me from spinsterhood. Fuck that noise. I’m only sad SOMETIMES, thankyouverymuch, and it’s usually because I’m just hungry, either for sex or for food.