Being Unemployed Feels A Lot Like Being Single

As 2020 continues to cement itself globally as just the friggin’ worst, I find myself unemployed for the first time since 2009, when I packed up a hundred pound purple suitcase and moved to New York City. The company where I was lucky to spend the last nine years fell victim to the financial impact of the COVID-19 closures and so, alongside tens of millions of others, I’ve found myself looking for a new role and I can’t stop thinking about how being unemployed feels an awful lot like being single.

I may be new to the life of a job hunter, but I am quite familiar with being single thankyouverymuch, and let me tell you…the parallels are eerie. Let us read the ways:

When you’re single: It always starts with a breakup. Of course there are a million and one ways to process the end of a relationship, but clichés are clichés for a reason, and I’d be surprised if your processing doesn’t involve some combination of a night with your friends and many margaritas, crying, ice cream, and therapy.
When you’re unemployed: I mean. See above.

When you’re single: After the initial shock and/or grief wears off, the freedom sets in. Literally everyone on the apps (and just like…walking down the street) seems like a bright, shiny, very attractive promise when you’ve been with the same (wrong) person for too many years.
When you’re unemployed: Ask me to check my work email! LOL I CAN’T! I. AM. FREE. Goodbye to my alarm clock and hello to weekday trips to the beach. If you’ve ever felt underpaid or overworked or underappreciated, even a cursory glance at job boards and career pages will make you believe in the limitless possibility of what’s just ahead on your horizon.

When you’re single: Crafting your bio on a dating app is a delicate balance of seeming attractive and available, but not desperate. I’m definitely not single because there’s something wrong with me. I’m still single because I have high standards!
When you’re unemployed: Crafting your cover letters and LinkedIn profile is a delicate balance of seeming valuable and available, but not desperate. I’m definitely not unemployed because there’s something wrong with me. I’m still unemployed because I respect myself enough to hold out for the right opportunity with a company who recognizes my worth!

When you’re single: These days, a breakup is usually followed by scrubbing most signs of your ex from social media, save for a few scattered pics so you don’t seem too chronically alone.
When you’re unemployed: Welcome to tailoring your resume to each and every job description and removing past experience that is no longer relevant. Proud you may be of your stint as a server at the Olive Garden during college (#breadsticksforlife), it sadly no longer warrants real estate on your resume over a decade later.

When you’re single: Oh no no no SIR, you are not going to ghost me. I didn’t even like you! You can’t reject me! I REJECT YOU.
When you’re unemployed: Ever had a recruiter tell you they were declining to move forward with your candidacy for a job you felt you were overqualified for and applied to as a kind of throwaway “safe” option? Yeah. It’s a fun feeling.

When you’re single: You will forever find yourself staying up too late swiping on Tinder and Bumble. You will be unable to account for the last two to three hours.
When you’re unemployed: Anyone up for a midnight scroll on LinkedIn?

When you’re single: Especially in the current online dating climate, even if you actually want a relationship, it’s easy to fear “settling” when there appears to be a bottomless supply of singles just a swipe away. What if your next date is your soulmate?
When you’re unemployed: You may dream of receiving an offer, ANY offer, but perhaps the offer you finally receive leaves a lot to be desired. Do you take it because another may never come along? But what if another does and it’s better? Pays better? Has better opportunities for growth? Has a kitchen with snacks and cold brew on tap?

When you’re single: Have you ever gone on a first date that was so amazing, so in flow, so full of sparkly chemistry that you texted all your friends on the train ride home that he kissed you good night and he wants to see you again and you’ve finally met The One? And all your friends sent “OMG YESSSSSS!!!” and “OF COURSE HE WANTS TO SEE YOU AGAIN, QUEEN!!!” and body roll GIFs and emotional crying emojis? And then you never heard from him again?
When you’re unemployed: You know you aced that interview and the hiring manager asked how soon you could start and said they’d reach out with the offer details later that afternoon, so you call your mom and text your best friend telling them you’re pretty sure you’re starting a new job on Monday. But then Monday rolls around and instead of an offer letter, all you’ve received is a rejection email and so you’re forced to drown your silly optimism in a 4:00 glass of wine.

When you’re single: Okay so generally, I don’t believe in competing with other women, but when you finally meet an emotionally available, employed, handsome man, you can be your most confident, charming self, and it’ll still be hard to not dwell on the hoards of accomplished, stylish, smart, gorgeous, single women right at his fingertips.
When you’re unemployed: Why is everyone else younger and smarter with years of Zendesk and Salesforce experience? WHEN DID YOU ALL GET MBA’s?!

When you’re single: You haven’t had “the talk” yet, but you’ve somehow deluded yourself into operating under the assumption that you’re exclusive anyway until it becomes clear there are others vying for his attention.
When you’re unemployed: I’m sorry, did you say “other candidate”? Cool cool cool. No, right, totally, that makes sense.

At the end of the day, as callous as it sounds, it’s just a numbers game. The many dates and many applications are all in pursuit of just one (or more than one…you do you!) ideal match. And whether “ideal” means a long term commitment or just having your more immediate needs met, may the universe bring you everything you’ve ever wished AND worked your ass off for.

How I Paid Off $30,000 in Credit Card Debt in Two Years

Having recently finished paying off nearly $30,000 in credit card debt, I don’t think I’ve ever been prouder of myself.

I also can’t help but think how strange it is to be SO proud of something that I only even had the chance to accomplish because I was SO VERY DUMB in the first place, but proud I am and I’m going to share with you exactly how I fell face first into and then climbed my way out of debt.

Step 1: Over the course of about four years, make a swift journey from debt-free to drowning by pretending you make at least double your salary. Consistently tell yourself you obviously can’t afford to spend $500 on vacation but spend that money instead on ordering in cheese fries that give you gas.

Step 2: Accept every credit increase offered to you on all three credit cards by reasoning that a higher limit will mean a lower utilization rate and therefore only help your credit score and overall financial health.

Step 3: Use all your new credit. All of it.

Step 4: Ignore your credit card statements. Pay just over the minimum due every month because your mom once told you to always pay more than the minimum due and let that convince you that you’re super fiscally responsible.

Step 5: After too many nights of tossing and turning with a racing heart and overwhelming sense of doom, decide that enough is enough. Remember that you’re capable and independent. Remind yourself that you’re the only one taking care of you and you’re doing a shit job of it.

Step 6: Pay off your first small credit card balance. Feel momentarily jubilant until you notice how much higher your other balances have risen. Realize you haven’t been spending less…you’ve just been spending on different cards.

Step 7: Start talking about your debt. A lot. Throw out lots of flares to your loved ones that things are about to be a lot different around here. (After your upcoming family trip. And after that wedding you’re going to. And probably after you stock up your shelves and buy a new pair of shoes. Basically things will get different after you prepare for a financial apocalypse BUT JUST BE READY OKAY.)

Step 8: Consider whether or not to apply for a personal loan. Wildly impress yourself by teaching yourself how to make formulas in a Google Sheet and discover that you’d actually be better off paying it off the good ol’ fashioned way if you can manage to stick to a budget.

Step 9: Give your credit cards to a trusted friend. THIS IS IMPORTANT. Read it again. You cannot be in possession of your credit cards. You have already proven yourself to be VERY UNTRUSTWORTHY and very very financially foolish. You may one day earn back the privilege, but you’re now in time out. Think about what you’ve done. For almost two years.

Step 10: Try to not pass out when a very close friend offers you a very large and nearly interest-free loan. Puff out your chest with pride masking embarrassment and say, “But I could never!” Then consult your trusted Google Sheet with all the formulas and realize that accepting the loan would shave off thousands of dollars in interest and about a year off your projected timeline. Sheepishly accept the loan with a “Yes, that would be quite nice and helpful, please, thank you, I won’t let you down.” Think about how this might actually be a key to staying on track because you care way more about your friend’s continued trust in you than American Express’s.

Step 11: Create a budget and then proceed to say the word “budget” incessantly over and over again for the next two years. If your friends were to word cloud your conversations, “budget” would be the whole damn cloud. Start grocery shopping with a calculator and stop ordering in several nights a week. Delete the “We Miss You!” promotional emails from Seamless without opening them.

Step 12: Continue talking about your journey to debt-free to anyone who will listen. Ignore the sneaking feelings of shame and do your best to push past the stigma of talking about money and debt and financial health. Not only will the people around you be incredibly encouraging and helpful and supportive, but friends will already be prepared for the possibility that you may not be able to join for events or meals out. REALLY good friends will just invite you over to hang out when you say you can’t afford brunch that week.

Step 13: Obsessively check your bank apps every day. Look it all right in the eye. Get into a staring contest with it and win. You cannot confront what you hide from.

Step 14: Organize your life and your priorities. Upcoming annual membership fee? Better budget for it! Want to go out for your friend’s birthday? You guessed it! Budget, baby.

Step 15: Consider if you have any control over increasing your income in some way, big or small. If you’re very lucky, your side gig could be as a date night babysitter for a rotation of about five or six families with criminally cute children and you could make an average of $100 a pop to cuddle some kiddos for an hour or so before spending the rest of the night reading and watching Netflix on the couch. Use that money to either make extra payments on your debt or to give yourself some breathing room in your restrictive budget. Either choice is valid and absolutely okay.

Step 16: Don’t give up. It will get hard and you will get bored and the journey will feel endless. Celebrate your mini milestones and successes (hellooooo skyrocketing credit score!) and distract yourself with a wish list of things you can’t wait to pay cash for when all is said and done. Because while you might be surviving the winter with just one pair of boots to wear every single day, you’re allowed to want two pairs of boots.

Step 17: When it finally happens, when the day finally comes and you make your final credit card payment, CELEBRATE. Mark the occasion. This is a BIG DEAL. Take a selfie, shout it from the rooftops, pop a bottle of champagne, and maybe treat your friends who treated you over and over again to a meal or a round of drinks on you. Make yourself a solemn promise to avoid making the same mistake ever again.

Americans are in debt to the tune of over $14 trillion (trillion!) and $413 billion of that is solely credit card debt. If you are carrying debt, you are clearly not alone and it does not define you. Your journey will likely look different than mine. I lost my job due to the pandemic the very same month I paid off my debt, but prior to that I was privileged to have income security many do not see in their lifetimes. If you’re struggling to make ends meet, a push to pay down debt may not be realistic or possible for you.

But if you can, you must. You and your one singular life deserve it. The boots can wait.